Last week I was walking down Madison Avenue with my son, story after story tumbling out of him, holding his hand to make sure he wasn’t swept away by the lunch time crowds.
I always enjoy your pieces. They're refreshingly honest, and delightfully humorous.
Personally, I'm very sensitive to touch and tend to preserve my space fiercely -- yet I also sometimes, contradictorily, wish casual, innocent, everyday touch came a little more easily.
I’m very “ Anglo” and although I’m a toucher at times almost an Italianate poker, I’m not a kisser or hugger, makes me uncomfortable.As usual I enjoyed your comments. The anecdote about you and your child on Madison Ave and the response, moving.
I adore the Proust quote you used here at the end. It's funny, I think I've been living in Istanbul for so long now that I actually forgot that in America, people that don't know eachother that well don't kiss....that cheek to cheek kiss that we have here in Istanbul, and that gets doled out even to people who don't fall within the super close range of friends and acquaintances, goes a long way in fueling me with energy and good feelings for fellow men.
Thank you Julia! The quote struck a cord with me as well.
Someone in life has to love you unconditionally and entirely - not constantly conditioning you into some sort of future gladiator or planning to propel you out into the world alone as soon as possible - but just be a warm mushy mother who thinks the sun shines out of your bottom))) I think this gives you a secret generator to turn on when you’re an adult and it gets hard.
I miss more frequent human touch and feel I’ve gone somewhat feral here because everyone is so weird about it.
I think a lot of that weirdness about it in the US has been imposed from above, almost like social engineering...for reasons that are difficult to grasp.
Maybe it’s a “divide and conquer” thing, fragmented, isolated people etc.
I’ve also noticed countries where this never existed adopting generic new Western norms of sterile everything and everything is my personal space. The truth, as usual, is probably in the middle of the spectrum, as too much of either style can be uncomfortable.
Love this! I’m very touchy-feely with my kids and husband, but feel more shy about initiating touch with other people even when it would appear culturally appropriate (like dance class).
I do agree on the “you are not alone” part. In my mid-20s I was enveloped in all sorts of questions about my future that felt too big for small talk. However I joined an adult concert band for beginners, and the director was the loveliest man (sometimes scary to some, but I adored him.) Apart from words, he would occasionally place a hand gently on someone’s shoulder for encouragement. We were all adults, some well into middle age, but for me at least, I will never forget how wonderful it was to be treated a bit like a child again with that reassuring touch.
I’m also shy with people I’m not close with, especially here where people are very rigid about any contact. So far my only breakthrough in this was impulsively hugging a woman I often I see when we’re out walking our dogs. Her dog was caught up in scary medical situation for a long time, she was very upset and exhausted, and being taken for a spin by vets pushing unnecessary surgery. It felt like the only thing to do when someone was so clearly depleted.
Being remembered like you remember the director seems like one of the best footprints you can leave in life!
I always enjoy your pieces. They're refreshingly honest, and delightfully humorous.
Personally, I'm very sensitive to touch and tend to preserve my space fiercely -- yet I also sometimes, contradictorily, wish casual, innocent, everyday touch came a little more easily.
Thank you so much, Emma!
I think sometimes that casual, innocent touch makes one feel less lonely in the world and a bit happier.
I’m very “ Anglo” and although I’m a toucher at times almost an Italianate poker, I’m not a kisser or hugger, makes me uncomfortable.As usual I enjoyed your comments. The anecdote about you and your child on Madison Ave and the response, moving.
“Italianate poker”))) thank you!
I adore the Proust quote you used here at the end. It's funny, I think I've been living in Istanbul for so long now that I actually forgot that in America, people that don't know eachother that well don't kiss....that cheek to cheek kiss that we have here in Istanbul, and that gets doled out even to people who don't fall within the super close range of friends and acquaintances, goes a long way in fueling me with energy and good feelings for fellow men.
Thank you Julia! The quote struck a cord with me as well.
Someone in life has to love you unconditionally and entirely - not constantly conditioning you into some sort of future gladiator or planning to propel you out into the world alone as soon as possible - but just be a warm mushy mother who thinks the sun shines out of your bottom))) I think this gives you a secret generator to turn on when you’re an adult and it gets hard.
I miss more frequent human touch and feel I’ve gone somewhat feral here because everyone is so weird about it.
I think a lot of that weirdness about it in the US has been imposed from above, almost like social engineering...for reasons that are difficult to grasp.
Maybe it’s a “divide and conquer” thing, fragmented, isolated people etc.
I’ve also noticed countries where this never existed adopting generic new Western norms of sterile everything and everything is my personal space. The truth, as usual, is probably in the middle of the spectrum, as too much of either style can be uncomfortable.
Love this! I’m very touchy-feely with my kids and husband, but feel more shy about initiating touch with other people even when it would appear culturally appropriate (like dance class).
I do agree on the “you are not alone” part. In my mid-20s I was enveloped in all sorts of questions about my future that felt too big for small talk. However I joined an adult concert band for beginners, and the director was the loveliest man (sometimes scary to some, but I adored him.) Apart from words, he would occasionally place a hand gently on someone’s shoulder for encouragement. We were all adults, some well into middle age, but for me at least, I will never forget how wonderful it was to be treated a bit like a child again with that reassuring touch.
Thank you, Síochána !
I’m also shy with people I’m not close with, especially here where people are very rigid about any contact. So far my only breakthrough in this was impulsively hugging a woman I often I see when we’re out walking our dogs. Her dog was caught up in scary medical situation for a long time, she was very upset and exhausted, and being taken for a spin by vets pushing unnecessary surgery. It felt like the only thing to do when someone was so clearly depleted.
Being remembered like you remember the director seems like one of the best footprints you can leave in life!